Rant #001

Arashi: Ever thought channel surfing while your favorite show had just went to a commercial break was a crime? Or that setting your VCR to tape the TV shows while you were at work or school was also a crime? Well, there is one moron that thought so..

Gunshin: *glares at Arashi* And there's another moron taking over my section, but that's another story...

Arashi: *pretends he didn't hear that* This moron that I speak of makes Fuu...

Fuuteno: *appears in through time portal* You rang?

Arashi: ...appear to be as sane as the rest of us.

Everybody: *collective gasps*

Gunshin: This moron who shall remain nameless...

Arashi: *cough*Jamie*cough*Kellner*cough*

Fuuteno: Do you need a cough drop?

Arashi: *glares at Fuu*

Kawari: ...

Gunshin: ...seems to believe that if you fast forward through and/or change channels during commercials, that you're breaking the law.

Arashi: *imitating Homer Simpson* D'oh! Why you little....

Bakurai: To quote what he said;

[Ad skips are] theft. Your contract with the network when you get the show is you're going to watch the spots. Otherwise you couldn't get the show on an ad-supported basis. Any time you skip a commercial or watch the button you're actually stealing the programming.

Chigo: What the hell? I've read my contract with my cable provider and it nowhere does it say that I HAVE to watch the commercials as a fee for my favorite TV shows. It just says I have to PAY for it monthly, and that's exactly what I do. If that's theft, then lock me up and throw away the keys.

Fuuteno: Yes, well to quote Romeo Gonzalez; If this is a dream, it's the mother, father, sister, and brother of weird. We got all of weird's cousins in on this. Come on up. You gotta see this. You have got to see this.

Arashi: Who in the hell is Romeo Gonzalez?

Fuuteno: He's better known as Mo'Steel from a line of books called Remnants.

Arashi: *sweatdrops and falls over*

Gunshin: Are we the only ones here that see something wrong with that?

"To help develop Mr. Kellner's unfortunately common (at least in Hollywood) view of copyright, LawMeme offers the top ten new copyright crimes, as well as further choice quotes and commentary from Mr. Kellner's interview."

Arashi: Unfortunately common or apparently shitty??

Tensaiji: So they're saying that the latest law in terms of copyright is based on ONE man's opinion of how things should be?

Bakurai: Okay, I definitely see something wrong with all of it! And it can't be changed just because of how one man (who's not even an governor or anything like that) thinks how everything should be like that.

"10. Watching PBS without making a donation.
You know who you are, you cheap ..."

Arashi: Oooh...Moron's calling us names right off the bat for not making a donation to a channel that has the 'good kiddy shows' that comes with cable?

Tensaiji: Some places that don't even get cable can watch PBS by using an antennae... I don't watch PBS unless they've got some really nice classic on..

Arashi: And it's one of the channels on cable that I pay for. So in an sense I AM making an donation in keeping that channel. Why should I have to fork out more money so that they can continue to put up more stuff that I don't even watch?

Akuma: Wait-a-minute...isn't the dude imitating a baby chicken by going 'cheap'? Where's his feathers?

Kawari: They've been plucked so we can add a layer of hot tar before re-feathering him...

"9. Changing radio stations in the car when a commercial comes on.
Future radios will prevent listeners from changing channels when a commercial comes on. The RIAA has not yet taken a position on whether it is permissible to switch channels when the listener doesn't like the song. "

Fuuteno: Aahh! This IS getting even more insane than myself! *promptly faints*

Jinsokuse: They actually think they can do that? Not only does that violate the right of freedom to listen to anything we want, it also violates our right of changing it to anything we want. This one is definitely whacked..

"8. Channel Surfing during commercials, especially with Picture-in-Picture capability.
Similar to radio, skipping through channels, particularly when combined with picture-in-picture (which permits viewers to know precisely when an ad block ends), will be prohibited."

Kaiba: Isn't this beginning to sound a lot like the early 20th century Great Depression era in America? Back then it was booze. Now it's changing TV and/or radio stations being considered illegal?!? That's totally....Hmmm...a different word than insane...

Taka: Stupid?

Kaiba: That'll work.

Gunshin: It violates our right to view anything we want at all. Providing that the thing we are viewing is within legality. Nothing like child porn, but you know what I mean, right?

"7. Getting into a movie after the previews, but just in time for the main feature.
Theaters will be required to close their doors once the advertising and previews have begun. The MPAA has not yet taken a position on time-in-seat requirements for advertising in the pre-preview slide show or whether audiences should be compelled to watch the credits at the end of the movie."

Arashi: Uh, hello?! Credits are boring. Okay...so sometimes the music is okay, but I would be less compelled to fall asleep if I got up as soon as the movie finished.

Kawari: Earth to moron!! They do close the doors, they just don't lock them.

Tensaiji: Oh, jeez. Let's lock the moron into a movie theater, throw away the key and make sure he drank lots of fluids before the show... "Oh, gee, Mr. Moron, Sir...You can't go to the bathroom mid-movie...Can't blame us, sir. It's you're own fault, y'know. You're just gonna have to hold it."

"6. PBS
How can commercially sponsored broadcast networks compete with a government sponsored network?"

Jinsokuse: Why would they WANT to compete?

Akuma: To compete or not to compete...Is that even an option? Whether t'is nobler in the heart to donate hard earned cash for Public Broadcast or to suffer through the slings and arrows of commercially interrupted programming...

Gunshin: Now Akuma's starting to scare me...

Arashi: *groans* Somebody shoot me...

Fuuteno: *gets up* What caliber?

Arashi: *glares at Fuu*

"5. Inviting friends over to watch pay-per-view.
When you call to authorize viewing, you will be required to indicate the number of people present to watch. Compliance will be monitored and viewers must identify themselves."

Gunshin: Damn. Pull out the Borg costumes and speak in monotone voices people. The next thing you know, they might want to monitor our parties and so on forth.

Arashi: Jeez, where does the stupidity end? I paid for it and I'll be damned if I have to tell someone they can't watch just because one man says that it's illegal for unexpected guests. What next?

Chigo: I think they're just looking for an excuse to make more money...

"4. Blocking pop-up ads on the Internet.
Yeah, Mozilla and Opera users, this means you!"

Arashi: Why only Mozilla and Opera users? There are programs out there on the internet that allows users of other browsers to block pop-up ads.

Tensaiji: Isn’t most pop up ads JavaScript based? All anyone has to do to block JavaScript is to turn it off (in most browsers).

"3. Not buying things from the advertisers on television shows.
Part of your contract is that not only do you watch the advertisements, but that you subsequently buy from the advertisers. If you don't buy from the advertisers, the whole system breaks down. "

Chigo: Maybe this guy didn't bone up on his facts...My contract is with...

Fuuteno: ...DUN DUN DUN...

Chigo: ...THE FREAKING CABLE COMPANY!!!! Not with the advertisers! My hard earned money goes to the CABLE COMPANY so that the CABLE COMPANY gives me TELEVISED SHOWS!

Gunshin: Not only that, but why should we buy something if we don't need it?

2. Watching MTV if you are older than 35 or Matlock reruns if you are younger than 40.
Advertisers buy ads to reach a particular demographic. If you aren't part of that demographic you are, effectively, a thief.

Chigo: *shakes head* Just because of our ages, we're thieves? I watch Matlock, Diagnosis Murder and Murder: She Wrote from time to time and I'm only 19. Damn. I guess I must be a mastermind thief... not. Need I repeatedly mention the freedom to view things? I didn't think so.

1. Libraries and librarians.
This is why we have the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organization (RICO) Act.

Tensaiji: Ahhh!! The moron's targeting books and the right to read too!

Kawari: Now librarians are criminals too?

Arashi: When will the stupidity end?

Fuuteno: The twelfth of never!

Bakurai: We have the right to read books as we want to. Are they trying to make us mindless?

Fuuteno: That depends...

Bakurai: On what?

Fuuteno: Futurama Rule #1: We don't pay you to think. A mindless worker is a happy worker.

"Seriously, Kellner, who is a very powerful man, has said some truly disturbing things in his interview. Not merely once, or off-the-cuff, but multiple times in many different ways. At least Kellner is reasonably straight forward in his intentions, unlike Jack Valenti."

Everybody: *bursts out laughing*

Taka: If he's truly a very powerful man, then I'm the Queen of Sheba!

Kaiba: Only some of the things in his interview was disturbing? Yeah right.

Kawari: If the moron is reasonably straight forward in his intentions, then his intentions are to make everybody mindless, boring drones?

Jinsokuse: Wait...Who's Jack Valenti?

"Kellner on bathroom breaks: I guess there's a certain amount of tolerance for going to the bathroom. But if you formalize it and you create a device that skips certain second increments, you've got that only for one reason, unless you go to the bathroom for 30 seconds. They've done that just to make it easy for someone to skip a commercial."

Fuuteno: Formalize? You mean I gotta dress up in a tuxedo?

Kawari: ...

Tensaiji: Where's this device so we can skip this moronic episode?

Arashi: If he's out in the woods, and there's no one there to hear him, would he still be wrong?

Gunshin: *like Family Feud host* And the survey says; *three buzzers*

Fuuteno: Oooh, I'm sorry. Our time is up.

Tensaiji: Speaking of which, Arashi, can ya take me to the library? I gotta borrow some books for an exam.

Kawari: After that, it's off to Fiesta Destiny for sodas and the room with the big screen TV.